Two years ago our son went to his first Homecoming dance. Eye opening, because in Texas, it’s not just a dance, it’s an experience. The night isn’t complete without the right outfit, group pictures, chauffeured transportation, dinner, the dance and the real destination…. A fabulous after party.

I still remember how difficult it was to keep my jaw from hanging open in awe when I first saw the group of 14 year old girls, my son and his friends were taking. Typically, these ladies don a t-shirt three sizes too large, shorts you can’t see and plain old sneakers. That night, they were all clad in body hugging dresses that were shorter than anything I have ever worn, 4” heels and more makeup than I wore to my Senior Prom. I put myself in my son’s shoes, and imagined how tough it would be to be a teenaged boy in this town, especially dance night.

After three girls teetered and fell on their newly acquired stilts, I vowed then and there that MY daughter would never dress like that when she went to her first Homecoming dance. Two girls in the group had lower heels and flowing skirts. I snapped a photo on my iPhone and went straight home to show my daughter what she would be allowed to wear in her future.

At 11 ½, she was on-board with the preferred dress code. To my pleasure, she remained so until about a month away from her own first formal dance at the high school. Peer influence and immediate feedback on social media made flowing skirts and shorter heels leave the shopping cart only to be replaced with tighter, shorter garments.

Preparing a girl for her first Homecoming dance was a new experience. Finding that middle ground where we could both happy seemed futile. She wants a spray tan, but I am adamantly opposed because of all the chemicals. She wants a mini skirt, I want fingertip length. She wants shoes with 4” heels, I want 2” so she can actually walk in them.

It occurs to me on Sunday morning after, as I pick the discarded dress up off the floor from its brief foray into nightlife, that we compromised where we could. She chose a body-con dress with a peplum and tighter skirt. We found an organic natural spray-tan formula and I got to do her hair at home. She actually let me make her jewelry, and she liked it.

Well after noon, my freshly awakened 14 year old emerges from her bedroom. Clutching her phone, she immediately requests to see my pictures, demanding I email her favorites to put on Instagram. I smile, say good morning and give her a big hug. “Have fun?” I ask? A with sleepy nod and a yawn she answers casually “Yes, but I was a little uncomfortable with the skirt. Next time, I won’t get one so tight.”

I hide my smile and hope next time….we can eliminate the spray tan too.

An outfit isn’t an outfit until you have found the right accessories to complete it. It is important to know, the accessories, to work, have to match your body type and personal coloring as much as they match the clothing.

First find what you already have in your wardrobe that you love or the pieces that people remark upon when they see you wear them. It could be something like your grandfather’s enameled cufflink you had made into a pendant, or the three-stone necklace your husband gave you for Mother’s Day. You might have a distinctive Burberry scarf worn on special occasions or vintage handbag that just feels right.

Second, the idea is to end up with that pulled together look that seems to happen naturally, but we all know takes a serious effort. When adding to your collection of accessories match them to yourself as much as you match them to your clothes.

A tip when buying necklaces, use my guide for fitting necklaces to your body type, then buy them in several lengths.

Sitting at a table filled with fall hydrangeas and rose bouquets, listening to a waterfall splash into a pool in the background I find myself surrounded by beautiful women. It is the weekly Football Mom’s lunch for the high school, everyone sporting jerseys, buttons and school colors in support of the team for that night’s game in West Mesquite. I listen to the Senior’s Moms talking about becoming Empty Nesters, others about the fear of injury and many about the exciting possibility of the playoffs when district play is over. I can feel the energy of the people I am with, like a vibration. Some are higher and faster, some are lower and deeper, all of them coming together to make a single harmonious sound.

Earlier in life, I kept my mouth shut when I was in large groups of people. Now, I find myself interjecting small comments that turn thoughts in one direction or another because I understand the casual nature of doing so. I realize that when I occasionally speak of the 5 Essential Elements, I either get immediate interest or dismissal from whoever I am sitting with. When there is interest, I explain that the qualities these elements possess are present everywhere, in everything. There are distinct characteristics in each element that you can associate with any person.

The five Elements and their qualities are:

When these qualities are applied to a person they are sometimes perceived as good or bad, but that is just personal judgment. Learning what they are and how they work together can help create the balance we all need.

Long blonde straight hair, ready facial expressions and many hand movements accompany the tall, slender woman across from me. She speaks and it becomes clear that she touches upon a subject in her mind as quickly as a hummingbird eats from one flower to the next, never giving the mind time to go down any one track in order to create a peaceful future. When I speak to her in Elemental terms about the Air and Space in her body and mind, she looks at me as if I have said something intriguing. I explain the 5 Elements and which ones she displays and tell her how to basically balance those out with other ones and she is captured, just for a moment, but long enough to give her mind a path to travel that leads somewhere safe and comfortable.